process

this journal entry began as an intellectual evaluation of my process and ended in revelation by the Holy Spirit of my true state of being at this moment in the Process.  it was interesting, as i wrote i would close my eyes and see the scene unfold...it seems like part of a chapter to a book, possibly. we will wait and see how He continues to speak on this.  reader, i bless you to let the One who sees your path, your heart clearest because He has created the very physical and spiritual eyes that you perceive your life through and He has been before the Beginning.

process is no longer massively discomforting to me.

i embrace process as a journeyman would embrace a beautiful trail through a large forest of trees that although he cannot see the clearing on the other side he trusts that the sun will touch his skin again once he's through the trees.

this path called Process has no picket fence at this time and it's mostly cloudy for now. as i continue on, i'm realizing my traveling Companion will take some bags off my back --it's nice that Someone will ease the load.

i want to see His face. somewhere along this road He made Himself known to me, whispering at first. Process road has not ended, but it's getting easier to travel. i feel more safe, more secure, now that i know i'm not alone.

"when did You get here?" i ask Companion.

He smiles and says, "before the Beginning."

"but i don't remember starting this process and i definitely never saw You until later on," i reply.

as I start to think back on the path called Process I recall learning to walk and the people who were there celebrating my first steps toward the E. Destination.

the sting of loss returns and i do my best to pull away from the memories. i recall holding my parents' hands as i began walking Process road. i can see my dad's smile and hear him talking like a duck -- what a goof he was. he and my mom modeled Process walking with E. Destination always before them. they walked Process road together and were soon joined by myself and my sister as we choose to daily take steps on the narrow Process road toward Eternal Destination, Companion knows the One who created E. Destination intimately though i really don't understand how.

the familiar loss-pain dully grips my heart as i remember when Dad's road called Process stopped abruptly and he was taken to E. Destination in a car called Death.  tears begin to flow and Companion holds me.

"how does He know what i'm thinking?" i wonder, "what kind of a Companion is He? i need to let Him do this more."

memories keep coming and slowly reveal that i've been trying to escape this Valley Process road has led me to since the day Companion and I came to the Valley. Process road immediately went into the Valley following Dad's trip in the car called Death to E. Destination.

i wonder, "Who made this road and why does it lead through such a dark Valley?"

"oh Companion, i hate this Valley," i say out loud.  then i scream it, "i HATE this Valley!"

Silence

"Companion, can't we take another way? Forge a different path? Or just go back to before Dad left?" this time i say it with a beggar's tone.

Silence

"well, if You won't talk to me then i'm gonna camp out til You help me find a shortcut out of this Valley," in my best pouty voice.

"your way is not hidden from Me, I see what you have not yet perceived," declares Companion confidently.